I really can’t be-leaf this one. A very drunk and drugged up Michael Golsorkhi tried to have sex with a very unsuspecting pile of leaves’ in the car park of a Premier Inn, a court heard.

He was seen ‘thrusting’ with his trousers around his ankles in full view of families eating at a Beefeater pub in Stockport. When confronted by staff members he reportedly ran away to hide in some bushes.

“We saw a white male with his trousers down and we could see his bum. There was nothing between me and this male, he was about a car length away from me and he appeared to be having sex,” the staff member recounted. “At one stage I shouted to him ‘what are you doing, you dirty bastard?’ and he then leapt up, pulled his trousers up and sat in the bushes.”

“We rang the police, and I kept shouting ‘what are you doing? Clear off’. He gave no explanation for what he was doing.

“After about 10 minutes he walked out of the bushes. I could make out bits of his face, but I’ve never seen him before.

The court heard Golsorkhi had previous convictions for harassing his parents.

Defence lawyer Neville Warburton said: “He took a combination of illicit substances and alcohol and got himself into some sort of state.

“The staff from the hotel did ask if he was all right, but he was in quite a terrible state. He has no recollection of the behaviour described.

“This is not something that has been brought before the court before and this is no fault of anyone else except the defendant.

“As a result of embarrassment he has no desire to return to the Premier Inn.” Sentencing Golsorkhi, chair of magistrates Edward Tasker said: “You were remorseful about this and quite embarrassed about it and the fact this is something not really nice to do outside. “Under the circumstances, what has been suggested is that cannabis may have had something to do with it. Think about your life. “Make sure you do go out and seek help. Unfortunately for you, it is you who have found yourself in this position.” Michael will have 8 weeks in Jail to think about his actions.

Stay classy my friends..