We live in strange times, and living in a Hunger Games type reality is going from fiction to non-fiction by the hour, and someone has released the hypothetical United State Hunger Games Districts—what district is everyone?

To be clear, these Hunger Games follow the movie’s rules where 2 combatants from your district get chosen.

PRETENDERS

District 1

What we can see here is Cali surfer bros, LA residents softened up by years of warm sun, and maybe the occasional lousy mamma jamma from South Central like Deebo from Friday.

District 1 is gonna get absolutely washed unless Mike Trout’s son is born and represent them.

District 2

If District 2 can get their hands on meth during the Hunger Games, they’ve got a chance.

But getting their hands on meth could lead to them eating each other’s faces off and being their downfall.

District 3

Idk and don’t care!

District 7

Hippie City!

The crunchy folks of District 7 may be able to survive for a bit longer because they can find berries and talk to the Earth and sh*t.

But they don’t stand a f***ng CHANCE of winning the Hunger Games because at some point you have to kill someone using more than a net trap or bow and arrow.

District 8

District 8 is actually the Denver Nuggets of this map. They may make noise here and there but, in the end, will never be in the mix to win it all.

RANS

District 9

I feel like lots of folks in District 9 wear raccoon hats and are biters in fights. That’s the exact kind of person you want on your side in a fight but not a crew that’s going win The Games.

District 4

District 4 is listed here because Florida is the ultimate wildcard in anything United States related. A Floridian teammate in the Hunger Games is like having the rocket launcher in Goldeneye.

They’re super deadly entities that are as likely to kill you as they are your opponent.

THE DARKHORSE

District 12

I initially dismissed District 12 as a pretender because I thought it was just the DMV. Then I realized West Virginia was in District 12, which instantly makes them the X-Factor.

I’ve also watched enough Rough N Rowdy fighters from West Virginia to know not to count anybody from that state out in a battle to the death and can almost hear that state full of savages singing this after every win in their Hunger Game dynasty.

THE CONTENDERS

District 5

Wisconsin is an offensive lineman factory, and anybody that can survive Minnesota winters can handle a pesky Hunger Games. But I feel like Midwestern kindness is a huge weakness for District 5.

District 6

I was ready to dismiss District 6, but never count out a community in a deathmatch that has Detroit on its side.

District 10

Nearly everyone that lives in District 10 has a 99 Strength rating from wrestling cattle since they were young.

I don’t know which of these states is the “Big Sky State,” so I’m referring them all as the Big Sky State. Once my District was eliminated, I feel like I’d root for District 10 to win.

THE FAVORITES

District 13

New York, Boston, Philly, etc. Scumbag central.

A massive group of people that have dealt with shitty winters and paying high prices for the right to experience those shitty winters while living in congested areas for their entire life.

If iron sharpens iron, District 13 is a sword ready to do damage.

However, there is just as good a chance the combatants of District 13 kill each other instead of their opponents due to disagreements about sports teams to what certain things are called regionally to the local dialect.

District 11

I’ve watched way too much Texas High School and SEC football to not #RESPECT the shit out of District 11.

They have the athletes, no shortage of experience with high-powered weapons, and unlimited people that could be dubbed “Country strong”.

To be honest, Texas should probably be a district to itself, which nobody from Texas would disagree.